| I've been riding my bike for at least an hour for four days.
If I keep this up I should be able to fit my summer clothes better.
Getting back into shape feels good! |
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| Tonight's fight is one of the ones I find myself saying things to sabotage everything.
I do it on purpose.
Things are getting so real.
To real.
Flash backs.
Talk of buying a house, marriage, children.
I need things to slow down a bit.
So I can breathe.
So I don't say things like,
"yeah why am I with you, all you do is push my buttons to piss me off."
So I am not to irritated all the time.
I want to go for a run.
Run until I can't go anymore.
I wonder if he'd care if I left.
I can't properly collect my thoughts. |
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| In a month I am moving again.
Oh the joys of renting.
I've moved six times in five years.
I can't wait until I own a house.
When I finally feel at home.
Full of things I picked out.
Who knows when that will be.
I am so sick of packing, moving, unpacking.
I want to build my roots.
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| Tonight I find myself sulking, and upset.
I lead a lonely life.
Most days I work, go home to an empty house, and lay around with my cats and lizard.
I live with my boyfriend whom I never see.
I work days 8am to 5pm.
He works 3pm to 1am most days.
I leave before he wakes, and I am in bed before he gets home.
I find myself drinking alone most nights.
And when I am not drinking I wish I was.
I don't have many friends anymore.
They've moved or grown distant.
The only day I really ever do anything is Saturday nights where I drink myself in to oblivion.
Party hard with my party friends.
I need change.
I can't keep living like this.
I need to step out of my comfort zone and meet new people. |
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| When I was a child i used to beg my mom to take me to the cemetery.
There's a sense of peace you can only feel completely surrounded by souls long gone.
It's been years since I went to the one behind the golf course.
Where my relatives are burried in unmarked graves.
My favourite as a child.
I long for the silence. |
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